We Who are Homeless

So, so blessed. So, so humbled. So, so in awe of my God.

Have you ever felt a stirring from the Holy Spirit? Somewhere inside, prompting you toward a truth needed to draw you near God, yet, from a human standpoint, utterly shameful? A truth that can seem heartless or selfish? A truth that means being wholly sold out to our glorious Father?

Welcome to my life.

Constantly, God is showing me things and revealing Himself to me, and I am (nearly) constantly ignoring Him. I can say all I want that I want Him to have my life, yet when it's time to listen.... It's the hardest thing ever. Example 1: I've known my whole Christian life God wanted me to be a doctor. I remember Him saying, "You will heal the physically sick, and through you I will heal them spiritually." So beautiful, to feel the Lord speak to my heart, to tell me of His promises, to let me know He is there. And what do I do? Waste a year of college as an education major, knowing the whole time that God has plans for me elsewhere. I mean, hallelujah, He breaks through any walls we put up, but at what cost?

Once again, will I ever learn?

This past weekend, I traveled to Midlothian Texas to attend Discovery Weekend with GoNow Missions. While the weekend is assembled to match college students to their summer or semester missions assignments, it is so much more for most students. It is a weekend of deep pursual of the Holy Spirit, of fellowship with like-minded believers, of worship in Spirit and in Truth. In short, it is a blessing. At Discovery Weekend, we were blessed to have Jeff Lewis bring God's Word to us both nights. God used the second night of his preaching to, once again, speak His truth into my heart.

I've known the Lord wanted me in career missions since I was six (or thereabouts). Apparently, I would come home talking about wanting to tell people about Jesus. He has proven this to me over and over through all apsects of my life: I love travel, I'll try anything once, I enjoy adventure, and recently, He revealed my love for my family is hatred compared to my desire for Him.

"Dear goodness, she is shameful! How can you SAY such a thing! Your poor parents!" Are all responses I totally expect. Fine. You know why? I answer to a higher love than the one I have for my family.

"If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine." Matthew 10:37

See, I have a unique family simply because we are FAMILY in every truest sense of the word. We love each other, we are wholly devoted to each other, we revolve around each other's happiness. It has always been this way, and I never would have wanted it any differently. However, I have never needed my family. Depended on them, sure. Wanted them, absolutely. But I would never say I have needed them. From the time I was small, I could spend nights away from home, be far away, whatever, and I did miss my family... but not really.

I have always known God deserves more love than anyone else in my life, for He is all that is lasting and good. Since that is "shameful," however, I have been afraid to admit it to myself or anyone else. I mean, what kind of heartless monster would voluntarily leave her family to chase God?

Me.

Even in Luke 14, Christ says if we don't hate our families, even our own lives, we can't be His followers. Now, He doesn't mean hate my family like we think of hate- He just means my love for Him should be so overwhelming that we see nothing but love for Him. Everything else is just overflow.

So that's easy enough. Love Christ more than I love my family. Done and done, Father.

But that's not all. Christ doesn't just call us to hate our families- He tells us we have no home on this earth. According to the aforementioned Mr. Lewis, "In the Bible, Christians are called sojourners, ambassadors, aliens... never is it said we belong here. Who are we to claim a home?" Even Jesus said, ""Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." (Luke 9:58)

If we hate our families, and we haven't a home, what is there that remains?

Jesus.

And I knew all of this. God had showed His truth to me, deep in my heart, long ago. I was just always afraid to say it. Would it not make me a bad daughter, sister, friend, etc, to admit I would readily leave now if God told me to, and never look back? Wouldn't I be "shameful?"

"No," God whispers softly to me in my chaos. "Being who I have made you to be, living in the assurance of my truth, being girded up to go- THAT makes you the daughter, sister, friend, I have created you to be. Those who live in my way are never shameful."
See, my family are Christians. I will get to glorify our Savior King for eternity with them. There are so many out there who do not know of the Savior, much less that He wants to fellowship with them forever. And that, as a Christian, is what God has called me to love. His name, His glory, His people. So what if that means I'm not conventional, or may have to live in poverty, or may not get married and have kids?

What greater blessing is there than to do the work of the Creator?
So go ahead, confess with your mouth the wordly "shameful" truths God reveals to you. Boldly go forward in the knowledge of His omniscience and goodness; go forward knowing we who are homeless can never be shamed.

Blessings,
Mayzie

Instruments

Friends, it is official: I have the fever.
No, don't worry. I do not need any chicken noodle soup, Sudafed, or Saltine crackers.
I will not be going to the doctor.
I won't even be sleeping more to get over it.
I have missions fever.
Seriously, this is prime season for missions fever. Early in the year, spring break and summer plans being made, and this girl has a passion to GO! Ever since I was small, my heart has cried out to go into the world and make known the name of our Savior. However, being the control freak that I am, I turned that from a simple calling to something else I could plan and take charge of.

Will I ever learn? (hopefully.)

Hallelujah, our Lord adapts His thoughts so we may have understanding and then speaks them to our lives. As I was getting ready for class this morning, all I could do was think about my future life as a career missionary. This has actually consumed all my thoughts lately- where God will send me, the people I will impact, the ways I can make God known...
And somehow through the chaos of my soul:
"Mayzie, my daughter, you make Me known like a clarinet makes music."
Excuse me, Father? Clarinets do make music... right? Those sounds coming out are music, yes?
"Is that the clarinet making music, or the one playing it?"
Oh. Oh. I see.
"And a clarinet would never take credit for what the musician has done."
Now I not only see; I hurt.

How DARE I try to take God's plan and make it about me? Before the beginning of time, God's plan has been, that somehow in the grand scheme of things, He would deign for me to leave my home and serve Him in the "ends of the earth" part of the mission field. (Acts 1:8) And somehow, in the short time I have been on earth, I tried to show contempt to the Lord by being self-centered and making HIS plan MY plan. 

In Malachi 1, the Israelites have been rescued by God (again) and the Israelites have forsaken Him (again). See, these Israelites decided they would do things their way and let God just go by the wayside. (just an aside, God never 'just goes by the wayside.' But that's another blog) They would sacrifice blind or crippled animals to the Lord and keep the best for themselves. The Israelites took a system of law and sacrifice that had been instituted to benefit them and glorify God and convoluted it to glorify themselves. In the same way, when we take the snippets of God's plan He has chosen to bless us with knowledge of and distort it to glorify ourselves, we give God our second best. We serve unholy leftovers to the HOLY GOD.

How dare we?

So I say all that to say this: we are merely the instruments God has chosen to use in this perfectly crafted orchestra of time. We can do nothing aside from what He wants us to do, and we should never take credit for His work. Not even Jesus did this as He miraculously saved us from sin and death.

"'O house of Israel, cannot I do with you as this potter?' saith the LORD. 'Behold, as the clay is in the potter's hand, so are ye in mine hand, O house of Israel.'" Jeremiah 18:6
Yes, Father. Mold and make us to be Your instruments.

Blessings,
Mayzie